Residential Male Feminist

The patriarchy impacts us all and sometimes females don’t realise how exclusive feminism is towards men. Fortunately, I am the ultimate alpha, both a loverboy and a beast, and so I believe in the liberation of women no matter what (I’m 6′ 4″ with abs btw).  I’ve created my own column to campaign alongside females for gender equality. After all, I don’t think periods are gross. – RMF 😈

6 reasons I cheat on my girlfriend while being a male feminist:

My girlfriend cannot orgasm. I am so confused; had she been lying to me the whole time? Had I simply been such a fool to not notice that there was something wrong with her? I went home and began to research this medical condition. As I scrolled through Reddit I began to realise that this was a common symptom that women dealt with globally. It was in that moment I realised that I could fix it… fix them! I present to you, the female orgasm:

1. Just relax – sex can be tense. Tell her she needs to relax and let it happen. Sometimes she is just so wound up you’ve just got to untwist her panties.

2. Research the ‘female gaze’. Women are always going on and on about how porn is a one-sided viewpoint. I can recommend WAP by Megan Thee Stallion or Positions by Ariana Grande.

3. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself! Remember nothing is EVER your fault. Female bodies are… difficult. They don’t make things easy for us. Pleasure is a two-way street – she wants you to enjoy yourself. Your orgasm comes first. 

4. Find advice in the least obvious places! Don’t tell your gf, even though you are engaging with past partners for her pleasure, women sometimes get jealous over nothing!

5. Women want a confident man – don’t ask her what she likes. You don’t want her to think you don’t know what you’re doing (which you do). Fuck her mentally and physically. 

6. Go in hard, you’re not the pussy. Remember, they secretly love it

Resident Male Feminist gift guide for your girlfriend/wife/significant other/one-sided lover:

My (26M) girlfriend’s (18F) friends hate me and I don’t understand why

After going through a rough breakup last month, I decided that it was time I got back on the dating scene after feeling really insecure for a while. But now my new girlfriend’s friends hate me, and I can’t figure out why. Here’s some background to the situation:

I met my now girlfriend (let’s call her K) a few months ago at a Halloween club night in the PRYZM smoking area. I can still remember how stunning she looked in her costume (a sexy angel get-up, complete with wings and a halo) and how she had her red lips sealed around a pink watermelon vape. After tastefully and respectfully eyeing her up I decided to ask her if I could take a hit. I got a taste of her lip gloss residue – it was divine. I was in heaven that night, and she was my angel.

We exchanged snapchats and had a few drinks together before I went back to my ex’s place for the night. I couldn’t stop thinking about K though, I knew I’d met my shawty that night. Eventually my ex and I broke up (a mutual decision of course) and my conversations with K got more heated until we decided to meet up. We got talking about important world events, like how crazy it is that Justin Roiland just got fired from Rick and Morty, fr Cancel Culture has just gotten so out of control. The conversation was flowing and she couldn’t hold in her laughter when I cracked out my edgy dark humour, but then she confessed to me that her 18th birthday was coming up in 2 weeks! Apparently she’d used a fake ID to get into the club where we met. I told her I was pretty upset that she’d lied to me, but I also thought to myself, maybe this angel isn’t so innocent after all… 😉 Ultimately, we agreed to keep talking but not to take it any further for now, since I would never ever engage sexually with an underage female! I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about her every night though.

Fast forward to now, she’s since turned 18 and we’ve started seeing each other in person more and more. I’ve started picking her up from sixth form in the evenings before we go to my place for date night (we can’t really go to hers because her parents don’t know about our relationship yet). But every time I go pick her up, I’ve noticed more and more how icy cold her friends are towards me. 

Last Friday we were having post-coital cuddles and pizza in bed (I’m all about the aftercare). I was feeling vulnerable, so I shyly asked her why her friends have such an attitude when I’m around. She told me they think I’m too old for her and that I might be taking advantage of her, like, seriously, what the hell, we’re both ADULTS!? As a feminist I’d never pressure a female into any sort of relationship with me, we both chose this. Apparently they also said that I could be talking to other girls like I was doing before with her and my ex, but that’s ridiculous because at that time all my conversations with K were platonic. We just shared memes and she’d watch me snipe betas during my twitch streams.

I got so mad at those accusations but I kept it cool so as not to scare her. I assured her that I’d never hurt her or manipulate her because I just love her so, so much, and that her friends are just worried because I’m such an alpha. She’s better than my ex in every way, she’s just so pure and she sends me titty pics whenever I ask, even from the school bathrooms. I get a fresh pic every time now, none of that recycled crap like my ex would send me, and they’re SUPER hot since I paid for her nipple piercings. You know, I always tell her she’s my angel fallen from the sky ;).

Honestly, she’s told me before that she’s the first in her friend group to have a boyfriend so I think they must be jealous of her and are trying to sabotage us. Why else would they have a problem with me? I told her she needs to find some friends who are actually supportive of her rather than a stuck-up group of foids who keep dragging her down all the time. Fr they’re so negative, why can’t they just be happy that she has such an amazing boyfriend who spoils her all the time? Literally just last week I bought her a promise ring and paid for a night in the local Premier Inn for us.

Any advice on how to navigate this situation? How do I tell my girlfriend that her friends are crazy, but in a respectful feminist way?

EDIT: All of my girlfriend’s friends are female (she’s not allowed guy friends) which is probably why they’re spewing all this insane bs to her.