Is your boyfriend weirdly close with his mum? Are you wondering if he’s got mummy issues? Does he take the Tik Tok “Mommy” audio too far? Does he idolise Homelander from the Boys too much?
Well girl, you’ve come to the right place. I’m here to arm you with 5 of the best ways to tell if your man-child of a boyfriend has mummy issues for surel And all of this from a trusted and valued expert….
No. 1: He’s definitely a boob guy…
Boob guys scream mummy issues. Let’s be real ladies, if you suspect your boyfriend has mummy issues, it’s 100% because he’s obsessed with using your double Gs as his own personal travel pillows…or stress balls. Slightly invasive, but what can you do? Your man loves your massive tits nearly as much as he loves his mummy’s sausage rolls.
No. 2: He’s just got REALLY high standards
Speaking of mummy’s sausage rolls, what can’t she do for him? From cooking, to doing his laundry, tidying his room, tying his shoes and reading him bedtime stories as an adult male, is there anything she doesn’t do right? Make sure you’re living up to the first-class standards she’s set for him his whole life to avoid scolding from your man. Just remember, every time either your boyfriend or his mum criticises you, you deserve it. For god’s sake woman, how could you forget that he likes his sammies with the crusts off!? You’ll do better next time sweetie, don’t you worry. But don’t expect any thank yous either…
No. 3: Mummy comes first
Your boyfriend and his mum just love each other so much, why should you get in the way of their super special relationship? Like…know your place, love.
It’s not as if they’ve become emotionally enmeshed after the lines of their parent-child relationship have been blurred since his birth, or the fact that his metaphorical umbilical cord has not been cut off yet. In fact, You should be thrilled your boyfriend has such a healthy relationship with his mother, why can’t you just be happy for them?
Don’t worry sweetheart, even though your dates are forever being called off because mummy’s car has a flat tire and only her perfect baby boy can fix it for her, he’ll promise he loves you too.
No.4: You’re older than him
There’s just something about a mature, seasoned, older woman that attracts a guy with mummy issues like a blue raspberry vape attracts a female fresher. You’re dependable, reliable, and accustomed with household chores. You are probably a bit of a pushover, but that is the perfect woman for any guy with mummy issues.
No.5: He throws the largest temper tantrums over the smallest things….
Mummy’s perfect angel boy has always been brought up knowing he is special. He has probably internalised the fact that he is God’s Gift to humankind, and he can never do any wrong. He probably thinks anyone who has crossed him simply misunderstands him, and if anyone calls him out they just….don’t get him!!
So what if you didn’t remember to fold his underwear for him after you washed it (on the delicate setting with the fabric freshener he prefers) and he lashes out on you for being so selfish and so inconsiderate. You just cannot fathom the stress he’s been going through in his life.
Maybe instead of reading this list, you should take some time to introspect…
If you’ve reached this point, I’m sure you’ve realised how serious your boyfriend’s mummy issues are. But don’t despair, put yourself back out there and get yourself a normal man! I’m sure he won’t harass you with hundreds of calls and texts a day begging you to come back to him because he can’t figure out how to turn on the dishwasher……